My motherfucking guinea pig died. Her name was Princess. She lived a mostly fine life. The highlight of her day was when I fed her not only compressed pellets of hay, but also some actual dried grass. The best days were when I cleaned her cage.

Lots of stuff is up in the air, it is like mercury is in retrograde again, but all of my horrorscopes/whoreoscopes are A+∞+. I feel that I used to know what I wanted to change about my life, but now I'm just sort of lolling (LOLing?) about stoned at the crossroads (have been here for like 4 years now?)

I am auditioning some new girls for the spare room tomorrow. I'll keep yall posted.

I want a husband who will sing songs like this to me.