~MRS CANNON~

Now that she has sold the story to People and gotten a tattoo, I guess I can assume she is actually married. Oh, Mariah.

I always thought Mariah's music was the aural equivalent of Lisa Frank products. She says she and Nick are perfect for each other because they are both eternally 12 years old. Since I am eternally 8 or 9, I guess that explains why I JUST DON'T GET IT.

I see two early problems:

1. Either Nick recycled Selita Eubanks' ring or Mariah bought it herself. I like to think the second is true. Still, if this was such a fairytale of a relationship, shouldn't Prince Charming be paying for it?
   
2. There is apparently no prenup. Mariah, did you learn nothing from Tommy Mottola? I can see this marriage lasting more than say, a year, but after that?

I wanted to believe this was a publicity stunt, but then wouldn't Mariah cast someone higher than a C-List Nickelodeon star as her boyfriend? Either she is really in love or her brain is breaking again. I mean, it may get her a second Oprah appearance, but I am crossing my fingers that instead we get a second nervous breakdown in 5 years. I just wanted one day off when I can go swimming and eat ice cream and check out rainbows and maybe learn how to ride a bicycle.

I AM NOT H8ING! Me and Mariah go back like babies and pacifiers. I just want her to be happy, and to get 3 more number ones and beat the Beatles.